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I often find myself dealing with some internal struggle turned to pain. My life’s goal has been to conceal the conflict that rages within. In this way, I appear as stable as my neighbor; my outer shell thriving on the illusion of stability and success, my inmost being wrestling with a heavenly call in a hellish location.

The things that conflict us are in abundance. And what caused pain only days ago is easily replaced by a new strain. This week’s selection is a duel between success on my own terms and surrendering to His call on my life.
At first glance, it’s a no brainer; at least for those of us who have claimed Jesus as our redeemer. We daily confess our lives belong to Him- and they do.

My conflict comes into play during the waiting phase. I love the fact that God has given me a vision of what he plans to do in my life. I went from being a girl with no real hopes or dreams to a daughter of the Most High. The possibilities for my existence became limitless. I seized hold of His vision and have yet to let go. The problem is I received the promise over a decade ago. I’ve tasted bits and pieces on a smaller scale. And I love it!
The real confusion is in the desert-like waiting stage. God’s training ground; the place where you are stripped bare and tested again and again. God may promise that you’ll feed nations of hungry people someday. In the meantime, you wind up needing your local soup kitchen to feed your own family. He tells you your business will prosper beyond your wildest dreams all the while bankruptcy papers lay on the nightstand mocking the vision. The gut-wrenching turmoil of wanting more is excruciating when less is a constant companion.

At a pivotal moment when Christ is baptized by his cousin and proclaimed to be the son of God, he is then propelled into a dry place of temptation and starvation. The son of God had everything. Yet in an instant, he is stripped bare.

We know that Jesus was victorious against our enemy. And yet he got the victory while experiencing hunger, pain, and temptation. I’m convinced that in the midst of our bareness, setbacks, and shame, victory lives. There is no triumph without training. And God alone chooses the location and duration.

I’ve trained myself to praise Him in the pain. I know for certain if he did not forsake his own son in the desert, he will not forget me. I quite literally have to take courage and stand my ground. The mockers come to kill, steal, and destroy the dream but God uses it all to build the victory.

Stand firm and see the salvation of the Lord! Luke 3:6 And all people will see God’s salvation.

 

©KimJagwe2011